Before we begin, let me just say that if you do not want to hear about the killing of animals on our farm, please do not read on. This is your invitation to read on if you’re curious about the threads of life and death and also, if you want to hear about how big a chicken’s stomach is and what you might find inside of it. This blog is a little longer than usual because the ritual of killing and processing my first round of meat chickens is having a significant impact on my life and when this happens, I want to write.

So far, no one thinks I am going to be able to butcher our pigs — I am not fighting them on that one, I know myself and they are probably right. I have no doubt that these four new friends of mine will remain on our farm until they are old, grey and very leathered — gracing us with their massive pig bellies that we will end up feeding just because we love them and not so we can fatten them up for bacon.

I have to tell you that we welcomed the arrival of four, 8-week old piglets this week on the farm before I promptly left for Santa Barbara to attend a graduation ceremony for my degree in Counseling Psychology. Heathar and Jack went to pick up the piglets and transported them back to our farm on a bed of ice so their little bodies would not get overheated in the desert sun. I was relieved when I picked them up that what was dripping from them was not pig urine, but only melted ice. And yes, they grunted and squealed like you would think little piglets sound when you pick them up.

Accepting my life as a farmer in part, means coming out as a farmer. It is more than just posting cute pictures of my chickens on Instagram, it is a slow and messy way of life. It means having knowledge around more than how trauma is stored in the body (which is some of my favorite kinds of knowledge to know) but it is also about letting myself become familiar with the intimate workings of a chicken’s digestive system — it means becoming friendly with the mundane and profoundly essential elements of life. This does not always appeal to an academic crowd and it is still a taste I am letting form in my mouth.

Those of us seeking this life of farming, homesteading and rural living — perhaps we are all seeking to be so pulled out of our heads and into the present moment that we cannot resist it. The movement toward living outside of cities and in rural communities is growing. More and more of my clients are talking about it, more and more of clients are beginning to live this kind of life. Those of us who are farming and learning how to farm, are learning so much more than how to take care of chickens and put up electric fences. We are learning how to hold responsibility again. We are learning how to become containers. I think we are wanting something to be required of us. We are hungry for it. We feel empty when there is nothing asked of us, nothing needed of us. And on a farm, every ounce of us is needed: 0ur energy, our bodies, our input, our questions, our emotions, our soul. The farm is simply the vessel — the tool for the beckoning of life.

It seems that we get our animal friends delivered in a very quick fashion around here. We thought we had more time before the bees arrived but all of a sudden, they were in Taos and we had to go and pick them up. Last night I was ravaging YouTube, watching bee videos (most of which were terrible) on what to feed your bees and how to get them into the hive. There is a lot of terrible bee advice to sort though and when you know nothing about bees in the first place, it’s hard to tell which advice is bad. If anyone needs a deeply reliable bee resource, Jack’s good friend hooked us up with this amazing spot in Virginia. Apparently, I shall now be attending monthly bee lectures and Q + A forums. I have a lot of questions about the bees.